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Belarusian jokes

Авг 11, 2017
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 “What did that coat cost you?” one Belarusian woman asks her friend.

“Approximately 30 tantrums.”

“Yep, it was a little expensive!”

***

 “No matter how hard you work,” one Belarusian complains to his friend,

“There’s always someone who works less and makes more.”

***

 Along a lengthy, deserted, tiring road walked a man with a dog.

He walked and walked, getting more exhausted. The dog also walked along

getting more and more tired. Suddenly in front of him appeared an oasis!

A beautiful gate… and on the other side of it, music, flowers, the murmur of a brook.

“What is this?” The traveler asked the gatekeeper.

“This is Heaven. You’re already dead, and now you can enter and relax.”

“Is there water there?”

“As much as you want! Clean fountains, cool pools…”

“And they give you food?

“Anything you desire.”

“But I have my dog with me.”

“I’m sorry, dogs are not allowed. She will have to stay here.”

And the traveler decided to keep going.

After a while, the road led him to a farm.

At the gate to the farm, also, sat a gatekeeper.”

“May I have a drink?” asked the traveler.

“Come on in, there is a well in the yard.”

“And my dog?”

“Next to the well, you will see a bowl of water.”

“And is there something to eat?”

“I can provide you dinner.”

“And for my dog?”

“You will find a bone.”

“What is this place?”

“It is Heaven.”

“What?!”– The traveler was astonished.

“The gatekeeper at the palace nearby told

me that he guarded Heaven…”

“No, dear. That is Hell! Only those who

would never abandon their friends can

reach the true Heaven.”

***

 A Belarusian got lost in the woods. He walked and yelled loudly:

“Auuuuuu!”

A bear comes up to him and asks: “Why are you yelling?”

“I got lost and I thought if I yelled, someone would hear me.”

“Well, I heard you” said the bear – does that help?

***

 “Girls – a Belarusian advises her daughters,

when choosing a husband, remember,

your children will look like him, not like his car!”

***

 An old Belarusian was telling his grandson a parable.

“Inside every human being there is a

struggle similar to two wolves fighting.

One wolf represents evil — envy, selfishness,

betrayal, deceit… Another wolf represents

good — peace, love, hope, kindness, loyalty…”

The grandson asks:

“And which wolf wins in the end?”

The old man’s face showed a faint smile, and he said:

“The wolf that you feed is always the one who wins.”

***

 “I know everything!” Wikipedia said.

“You can find anything through me!” boasted Google.

“I am the most important in the world! – the Internet said.”

“Well, well…” quietly replied electricity.

***

 “How do you earn a living?” one Belarusian asked another.

“I am a writer!” answered the first proudly.

“And what exactly do you write?”

“I write to my parents, to ask them to send me money.” g

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